Photo updates from nursery: the truth behind the pictures

We all know that every photo tells only part of the story. The smiling siblings who actually spent 95% of the day squabbling and moaning. The vase of flowers bathed in morning sunlight, when the rest of the room is littered with the usual detritus of family life.

Earlier this week I got a glimpse into what happens when a nursery sends parents photos of their child, and, as so often when you peek behind the scenes, it was illuminating. And it was disappointing.

We had met up with some home-educating friends on a weekday afternoon. The children were having a grand time digging in the sand, building dams, and then releasing the pent-up water in a torrent. They played for hours.

We had the park almost to ourselves. At one point a school group arrived in their high-vis jackets but that never bothers us because school children never get to stay for long.

But then a nursery group appeared—young enough for the children to be strapped in buggies/strollers. After a while the mothers I was with noticed that something odd was going on. The nursery workers were carrying the children to the sand, sitting them down, taking a photo on the iPad… and then carrying them back to the buggies. Some of the children seemed to stay strapped in the entire time. Those that made it to the sandpit were there for less than a minute. I didn’t see a child so much as poke the sand with an inquisitive finger. The staff didn’t treat the children roughly or unkindly, just with absolutely no interest. I didn’t see them talking to the children or even really making eye contact.

I have seen a different nursery in a different park pushing small children around in buggies. Yes, the children are getting some fresh air. Yes, they are technically visiting the park. But nobody points out the birds, the dogs, or the yellow daffodils the way a parent or grandparent would. There’s almost no interaction. The children stay strapped in until they get back to nursery, their ‘visit to the park’ completed.

Why am I telling you this?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t send your child to nursery. I know many, many parents have no choice. I’m not saying all nursery staff are uncaring automatons—I’ve worked in nurseries and kindergartens, and I know that’s not true. I know that professional childcare—actually, any childcare—is really hard work. And there are plenty of studies that show there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sending a child to nursery.

There is a crisis in both childcare and housing in the UK. The UK has some of the most expensive childcare in the world. In London, property costs an average of 12 times average earnings. Typical monthly mortgage repayments on a 2-bed or smaller property in the capital were £2,340 last April—if that’s your mortgage, you can’t just quit your job to stay at home with your child.

But I have seen many, many instances of nursery children—and their parents—being severely short-changed by their carers. The children are not being mistreated or neglected, but neither are they being treasured. And when I think of the parents receiving a photo update of their child at the sandpit, it strikes me as dishonest.

I hesitated to share this post. In the end, I decided that if the children in the sandpit were mine, I’d want to know.

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The photo for this post came from Sara Kurfeß on Unsplash.