Special Guest Edition: How we homeschooled today by Kandace Burnhams
Taking a child out of school, deschooling, and finding your groove
Kandace is home educating her children here in the UK. She has a boy aged 2, and two daughters, aged 4 and 7. Kandace only began homeschooling last September, after her eldest had been in school for three years. I asked her if she’d be happy to share the reasons for and process of taking her daughter out of school and she kindly obliged. I love her eldest daughter’s confidence in her judgement that school wasn’t for her; my own daughter was the same. As soon as she knew that learning at home was an option, she never looked back. I realise now that this is actually quite unusual for my daughter—even much smaller decisions sometimes seem incredibly hard. I guess with some things, ‘when you know, you know’.
If you’d like to share a day in your homeschooling life, get in touch! From unschooling to a fully-timetabled classical education, everyone is welcome.
Our very long decision-making process to home educate probably began seven and a half years ago when I waddled around a hospital in my extremely pregnant state and realised I did not want to give birth there. What followed was a gradual process of questioning and unravelling why we do what we do, not only in the instance of giving birth but in everything that came after that. In fact, we successfully deconstructed most aspects of our lives. Perhaps it was inevitable that we would follow the stereotypical ‘home-birthing, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, attachment-parenting, home-educating’ trajectory (as much as I detest conforming to a stereotype!). The real question is why we ended up sending our daughter to infant school for three years.
There are a number of reasons I could give, but the most significant is that we felt we just didn’t have the capacity not to. Having three babies in 5 years is a lot! Throw into that a house move and renovation, Covid, and simply not having the energy required to make a decision that goes so significantly against what is expected. We told ourselves that we’d try school and if it didn’t work we’d take my daughter out to home educate her.
School wasn’t a total disaster but neither was it great. It was exhausting but didn’t provide the amount of physical movement my daughter needed in a day. She often didn’t want to go in the mornings and would complain that she didn’t have enough time to play. It forced us to structure all of our days around school drop-offs and pick-ups. It felt like drudgery for us all, including my daughter. She came home after her final day of Year 1 and announced, “That was the best day EVER! We didn’t do ANY learning!” I pointed out to her that it was a good thing she had gone to school as she hadn’t been keen to that morning. “Oh, but I’d rather have stayed home,” she replied.
As she began Year 2, her brother turned 1 and we were able to look ahead with a little more clarity and capacity. My husband had started working three days per week, giving me space to do other things, both paid and unpaid work. We decided that we would let her finish Year 2 and complete infant school, then home educate from the following September. This also tied in nicely as her younger sister was due to begin Reception in the same year, so we would have them both at home for our first year of home education. My eldest daughter needed no persuasion that life without school would be more fun! Her younger sister was less sure and still says she might like to try school at some point, but not yet.
Monday 5th February 2024
Mr 2, the baby of the family, is unsettled for the final part of the night, so I am pleased to keep him in bed until 7.30am, rather than the 5am get up he was asking for. We make our way downstairs, leaving the girls still sleeping with their dad. We have only been home educating since September 2023, so we are still experimenting with what works for us. Piles of books are still strewn across the living room floor from my previous evening of research. I clear a space amongst the books for Mr 2 to sit on his potty while I contemplate the exhausting task of getting all three children up, fed, dressed and to their grandparents’ house this morning. It is already nearly 8am. Since Miss 7 finished school last July, our morning get up times seem to be irreversibly slipping later and later.
While Mr 2 is thrilled to watch the bin lorry out of the window I get dressed and unload the dishwasher. I check my phone messages and send some replies to organise meetings for the week ahead. The girls gradually appear downstairs with the obligatory teeth and hair brushing completed. They investigate the maths challenges I left on the table for them the previous night, something that happens semi-regularly. Leaving a maths activity out for the mornings currently seems to be the best way for us to incorporate maths practice into our days. The girls are happier to engage before they’ve delved deeply into their own projects and I am a happier mum when I feel like I’ve ‘achieved’ something from the outset (de-schooling is very much still happening here).
There is a frenzied 10 minutes when suddenly everyone needs me: Mr 2 needs breakfast NOW, Miss 7 needs help with the maths, Miss 4 has a sore foot, my husband Adam is asking about food for lunch and I am trying to get a load of washing into the machine. Miss 7 gets my attention first (I know she will give up and lose interest otherwise) and I demonstrate how she can split a set of maths cubes into tenths. She quickly understands and can independently find 3/10, 7/10, etc. I’ve been using the Kitchen Table Math books for inspiration and as a guide for skill progression. I try introducing the idea of adding fractions, but Miss 7 has had enough so I shelve this for another day.
Miss 4 has never been to school and is much more receptive to my instruction and prompting. She has made leaps of progress in the last few weeks and is playfully experimenting with addition, skip-counting and shapes. Today, she does an activity to practise backward counting from the Early Family Math website. I often wonder whether her experience of learning in school would be as delightful as it is at home. Would the wonder gradually be lost for her as it was for my older daughter?
Eventually the washing is on, everyone has breakfast and I can have a conversation with my husband. He is working from home today so we have more to coordinate between us. I am grateful for his help in getting everyone ready to leave the house, especially Mr 2 who has a strong aversion to getting dressed. At 9.45am we are finally cycling away from our house. Luckily it is only a mile up the hill to their grandparents’ house! The children have a regular Monday morning slot with them which everyone appreciates. I stay for a short chat before continuing on to collect some tickets from a friend. We are planning a visit to Winchester Cathedral tomorrow and I am aware I need to organize that.
It is 11am by the time I get home. Monday mornings are usually my time to prepare for the week ahead, write the meal plan and shopping list and do as much housework as I have time for. Today, with only an hour before the children return, I blitz the living areas, do a quick fridge inventory and leave the rest for the evening.
The children are home by 12.15 (Mr 2 asleep) and I let the girls finish decorating the blackboard wall for our February ‘India’ theme. I cook fried rice for lunch as Adam is at home and I much prefer to get the cooking out of the way earlier in the day. The spicy rice goes down well but so slowly. How can meal times be so drawn out? After getting Mr 2 up from his nap I sit to breastfeed him and read to the girls from the Once Upon A Tune book that we’ve nearly finished. The story today is about Scheherazade and requires extensive discussion due to stories being told within stories. It has overall been a fantastic book for introducing them to some classical music pieces.
Once the girls have finished eating at last, they both read to me, something that we try to do every day. Miss 7 reads a chapter from the Time Chronicles series which have enough suspense to keep it exciting from day to day. She needs practice with reading longer texts for comprehension so we always talk about the story afterwards to check everyone (including Miss 4) understands what is happening. Miss 4 is at the early phonics stage and currently working through the Usborne Very First Reading series.
Mr 2 has finished breastfeeding and needs my full attention to get him to eat some lunch. The girls both settle on the sofa doing dot-to-dots, a current obsession after picking up some books in the charity shop. I put on Scheherazade for them to listen to, try to feed Mr 2 spoonfuls of food while he races around the table, and half-heartedly clear up from lunchtime. Soon the girls are engrossed in a game of shops and Mr 2 goes outside to help his dad with a building project in the garden. I make the most of half an hour of peace to jot some notes down, interrupted by the occasional plea to go to buy something from the living room shop that is currently selling stamps.
Mr 2 decides it is time to come in and the girls are hungry (again!) so Miss 7 makes everyone a cup of tea and a biscuit (only one, to Mr 2’s protest). I read to them from the DK Children Just Like Me book. We read two page spreads, both about girls living in India. Miss 7 finds North and South India on the globe and Miss 4 is interested in the fashion and piercings the girls have. We move on to read a double page spread of the Usborne Lift the Flap Fractions book we are working through at the moment. Miss 4 likes counting the parts and telling me which are odd or even. Miss 7 enjoys working out equivalent fractions and being able to check her answers herself. I try to remember to borrow another one of these maths flap books for Miss 4.
Soon enough everyone has had enough and it descends into noisy chaos. I decide we all need to get outside into the garden. The children play in the mud until I bring some paint out and they use straws to blow it around giant sheets of paper to make monsters. Mr 2 plays contentedly in the sandpit, his favourite place for the time being.
They stay out until dark and I call them in for dinner (soup). At dinner time we have a conversation about the city names of India and the legacy of British colonization, prompted by having an old atlas with incorrect names in it. We move on to Hindu beliefs around death and reincarnation, sparked by the reading we did about India this afternoon and a recent funeral we attended as a family. After dinner Adam takes them all up for a bath and I tidy/finish the jobs from this morning/message friends about our day out tomorrow/think that what I really want is to sit down with a cup of tea!
Before bed, the girls both insist on a session on the tablet, doing maths on the Anton app while they drink their milk. This isn’t something we do regularly but they do like to dip in and out of it. Bedtime is at 8.30pm, later than I’d like, but I still read them a story from The Woman in the Moon for 15 minutes to help them wind down. We talk about the connection and confusion between Indians and Native Americans. At 9.15pm, Miss 7 is still awake but I negotiate my escape and leave her. There are still plenty of things to do this evening, not to mention tomorrow’s day out to pack lunches for. I’m already ready for bed! Not all of our days are as home-based as today has been. Often we don’t manage to do so many different activities, as the children are busy with their own plans and projects. But today has been enjoyable and a good contrast to tomorrow when we will be out of the house all day long.
Although not spectacular, a day like today does feel like a significant achievement for our family. Last September when we first began home educating, I wondered if we would ever find our ‘groove’. My eldest daughter seemed to be permanently exhausted, refusing to get dressed or off the sofa and allergic to anything that resembled a structured activity. I’d read about the deschooling process, but the reality was still much harder than I expected. The children spent a significant portion of each day squabbling with each other, being generally unused to spending so much time together. I felt like I would never be able to keep all of the plates spinning: the housework, the meals, the admin, and of course the educating as well. I knew in theory that it would take time to settle in, but I didn’t find it easy to give myself this time with no expectations. My fear was that home education and the associated stress was turning me into a monster.
Thankfully, with fantastic support from my husband and home educating friends, I have gradually been able to ease the pressure on us all and let things unfold more naturally. It has been (mostly) delightful seeing all of my children thriving and learning, building beautiful relationships with each other and having the time they need to play. I am sure there is still a long way to go, but I am hopeful now that we’ve reached a point where home education is sustainable, and even enjoyable, for us. So if you are in those early days like us, hang on in there. It does get easier!
If you’re new to How We Homeschool, you might like to dip into some previous Special Guest Editions:
Amy Fischer, balancing independent learning with one-on-one time.
Jamey Fisher-Perkins, singing songs and throwing ice in the pond on a chilly day in Wales.
Annelise Roberts, homeschooling her five children in Colorado and finding time for a nap!
Victoria, whose daughter enjoyed a day of horse-riding, piano-playing, and Pokemon.
Oliver Cresswell, regulating emotions and enjoying a new puppy in Nova Scotia.
Will Orr-Ewing on flexischooling alongside Charlotte Mason.
Dixie Dillon-Lane, homeschooling through sickness.
Eloise Rickman, putting children’s rights at the heart of home education.
Ruth Gaskovski on building community.
Katherine Seat getting out of the house on a noisy day in Cambodia.
Renee’s account of a homeschool day with her son, who has autism.
Mary-Ann Horley’s account of home education at home and on holiday.
Allyse Hopkins’ very relatable day with her family of four in New Zealand.
Susie Wales’ life with her three boys in Florida.
Rachael Ringenberg’s thoughtful glimpse into her life with four girls in Vermont.
Joel Bowman’s ‘away schooling’, travelling around the classical world with an eight year old.
If you’d like to be next, get in touch! Everyone is welcome, whatever your homeschool looks like.
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I really enjoyed this! Thank you for writing Kandace and thank you for sharing Catherine. We have some similarities in our stories (such as my eldest daughter being sure that homeschooling was right for her after a year at school) and it's always good to read from someone else in the UK. 😊