Many of you will already be familiar with Dixie Dillon Lane ’s Substack, The Hollow. I only asked Dixie yesterday if she’d consider writing me a guest post, stressing that there was no rush and no deadline, and I woke up this morning to find she’d already sent it. And it’s so good that I wanted to get it out to you all asap.
Nov 11, 2023Liked by Catherine Oliver, Dixie Dillon Lane
Thank you, Dixie, for writing and sharing this post! I felt I was experiencing it right alongside. I agree that other homeschool families needing to read these examples of a “compromised homeschool day.” I also felt my shoulders relax a little when I read that you started at the wall in a fog after getting your children started with their afternoon quiet time (I experience this pretty much every week day).
Susie, when my eldest read that line about the wall/fog this afternoon, she turned to me and said, "So *that's* what you do during rest time every day!" Yes. It's not the one-woman party time the kids might imagine!!
She also said after reading the piece, "Mom, you really think about those things all day?" and a little later on, "Thank you for noticing what we're doing and thinking about it, Mom."
I'm still mulling that over. So much of a mother's work is actually interior or hidden from the kids. It's neat to me that she's starting to realize that this might be going on...
Nov 11, 2023Liked by Catherine Oliver, Dixie Dillon Lane
I could not love this more. Absolutely— much of our life is hidden to our children yet our posture/words/noticings are so formative of both us and them. What a gift that your daughter is starting to understand this.
Also, teaching kids how to use their time wisely and have a decent, rather than addictive, relationship with "hot" media is all part of the lessons kids need to learn about the world.
So many wonderful, thoughtful elements to your post. I love the active praise you give to #2 and the way that they receive it. I love the way you join in with #4 along the curb. I feel the same about the way gross motor movement informs fine coordination (and vice versa). I encourage as much movement as possible and join in with my little one when I can. I feel the simple benefits of it myself. And it is such a lovely way to connect with our children. I also adore their joint poem. Delightful. Thank you for sharing. I almost forgot.....please share your secret to being left alone to work on the computer. I do my best to model "working" but find that my computer is too much of a draw for my child, unless they have someone else to entertain them. (I am a Home Ed parent at heart but currently flexi-school. My little one has started Reception but we are taking it slow with attending only mornings and forest school one day. We then effectively Home Ed the rest.)
Thank you, Cherry! The best I can do with getting time to work is to try to make rules about when I am on the computer and when I am not. When we are doing formal schoolwork, I am NOT on the computer. They need my full attention. During their rest time, I am; often I will also have them do "outside time" and I will work then. It's very difficult to balance; I don't have solutions yet. Also, the older 3 have modeled outdoor play and independent play for the youngest; when I had only 1 or 2 little ones, I could not have gotten them to spend as much time essentially leaving me alone as they do as a multi-age sibling group.
But honestly, it's drips and dribbles throughout the day...the kids come first. I guess I don't have answers! Just keep trying and keep adjusting. Taking a substantial break (often for the entire weekend) from computer work for me is also important, because I can fill up myself and my kids with non-tech stuff then.
Thanks Dixie. I do my best with being present when I am with my little one. They allow me drawing time in my sketchbook, maybe because they have an understanding of what I am doing but anything computer (and phone) related seems to conjure up too much excitement or wonder. I am hoping that fades with age but maybe they will get more interested. It's one of my motivators for encouraging outdoor play and practical life skills, to be able to balance with screen time. (We are not an anti-screen time family but we do limit it. I have a very rough running total in my head of TV vs outdoor across a day.)
It's good to see that there is flexibility in Dixie's homeschooling. I'm curious about the "shows" she puts on. Are they puppets, playing an instrument, singing a song she just learned, acting out a poem or fairytale?
Alas, Sue, I mean TV shows or movies! We do have a fair number of other types of "shows" in our house, namely put on by the children :) But when we're sick, watching some deliberately-selected DVD's helps us all get some rest.
LOL! Val and I did that too. However! ... TV shows and movies would often inspire Val to go do something else. One time, we were watching someting having to do with Egypt. After about ten minutes, she ran into her room and came out dressed like An Egyptian princess. it was a hoot. She could only sit still for a show for a short amount of time before she get an idea like that. "deliberately-selected" movies are gifts for the homeschooler. Not only do they give them a rest from the intense brain activity involved in academics, they also give children a visual library of things from history, other cultures, whatever. I think it was Judith Viorst who wrote about reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe to her kids and they had no clue what the Blitz was or what a wardrobe was or a lot of other elements of that story. She had a really difficult time continuing with that book. So, movies and TV shows can be a valuable resource for homeschoolers.
How wonderful! Yes, a good story in a movie can spark the imagination!!
Yes, we actually don't have TV/streaming so we everything is on DVD and is intentional. I don't really see movies as part of the kids' homeschooling but I think their judicious use can add some fun to life, as they can be quite enjoyable! Also, when sick, they are so helpful.
Dixie, what a perfect, honest, and engrossing account of your sick (but yet wonderful) homeschool day. We need more of these accounts to as forewords to books like The Well-Trained Mind, to help us recognize that things may not always go as planned, yet we grow together as a family through all of it in "patience, forebearance, forgiveness, wisdom, kindness, self-sacrifice, security, humor, problem-solving, cretivity, and a stretching expansion of love." What baffles me is that you manage to keep up with editorial work and writing articles alongside. This is where I meet my breaking point, and have thus reduced my writing frequency on my Substack (I find this platform wonderful, but it creates immense pressure, especially when I want to focus on my family, not writing about "focusing on family"). Thanks so much for all your wonderful work! (also curious what essay you have cooking.... :)
Thank you, Ruth. I enjoyed your guest post in this series, as well!
I don't have an answer about the writing and the editing except that it has become this totally unexpected, surprising passion. It's like something grips me, like a tornado, and when I'm set down at the end of it, I'm a bit of a dazed mess but I seem to have a new essay written. I also both read and write really quickly (thanks, grad school!), so that helps make it possible. I spent ten years thinking but *not* writing and *not* talking and so now it's all just bubbling over and out of me.
I had the great pleasure of meeting Haley Baumeister at the FPR conference, and she mentioned that she is not a person who writes or responds to things quickly, but must think things through over time. I noted in conversation with her (we we in a group, speaking together, for several hours) that when she did speak, after being quiet for a bit, she added immensely to the conversation, with comments that no one else had thought to make. I was thinking aloud in conversation, and she was thinking quietly, but then bringing in important interventions. Between the two of us (and a few others, who added their own essential thoughts and styles!), this led to a better conversation than we could have had with only one style of thinker present.
I think your recent, knocking-it-out-of-the-park substack pieces are in this "Haley" vein; their value is great in part due to the process and pacing behind them. You have been putting out intensely valuable pieces lately. As you know, I am a big fan!
Sometimes homeschooling is just the process of making yourself "let children alone." I'll have to go poke around your substack, Hannah -- I would love to learn more about your life and your experiences homeschooling and mothering! I hope you get a break from viruses for a while now!
Thank you, Dixie, for writing and sharing this post! I felt I was experiencing it right alongside. I agree that other homeschool families needing to read these examples of a “compromised homeschool day.” I also felt my shoulders relax a little when I read that you started at the wall in a fog after getting your children started with their afternoon quiet time (I experience this pretty much every week day).
Susie, when my eldest read that line about the wall/fog this afternoon, she turned to me and said, "So *that's* what you do during rest time every day!" Yes. It's not the one-woman party time the kids might imagine!!
She also said after reading the piece, "Mom, you really think about those things all day?" and a little later on, "Thank you for noticing what we're doing and thinking about it, Mom."
I'm still mulling that over. So much of a mother's work is actually interior or hidden from the kids. It's neat to me that she's starting to realize that this might be going on...
I could not love this more. Absolutely— much of our life is hidden to our children yet our posture/words/noticings are so formative of both us and them. What a gift that your daughter is starting to understand this.
Also, teaching kids how to use their time wisely and have a decent, rather than addictive, relationship with "hot" media is all part of the lessons kids need to learn about the world.
Indeed!
So many wonderful, thoughtful elements to your post. I love the active praise you give to #2 and the way that they receive it. I love the way you join in with #4 along the curb. I feel the same about the way gross motor movement informs fine coordination (and vice versa). I encourage as much movement as possible and join in with my little one when I can. I feel the simple benefits of it myself. And it is such a lovely way to connect with our children. I also adore their joint poem. Delightful. Thank you for sharing. I almost forgot.....please share your secret to being left alone to work on the computer. I do my best to model "working" but find that my computer is too much of a draw for my child, unless they have someone else to entertain them. (I am a Home Ed parent at heart but currently flexi-school. My little one has started Reception but we are taking it slow with attending only mornings and forest school one day. We then effectively Home Ed the rest.)
Thank you, Cherry! The best I can do with getting time to work is to try to make rules about when I am on the computer and when I am not. When we are doing formal schoolwork, I am NOT on the computer. They need my full attention. During their rest time, I am; often I will also have them do "outside time" and I will work then. It's very difficult to balance; I don't have solutions yet. Also, the older 3 have modeled outdoor play and independent play for the youngest; when I had only 1 or 2 little ones, I could not have gotten them to spend as much time essentially leaving me alone as they do as a multi-age sibling group.
But honestly, it's drips and dribbles throughout the day...the kids come first. I guess I don't have answers! Just keep trying and keep adjusting. Taking a substantial break (often for the entire weekend) from computer work for me is also important, because I can fill up myself and my kids with non-tech stuff then.
Thanks Dixie. I do my best with being present when I am with my little one. They allow me drawing time in my sketchbook, maybe because they have an understanding of what I am doing but anything computer (and phone) related seems to conjure up too much excitement or wonder. I am hoping that fades with age but maybe they will get more interested. It's one of my motivators for encouraging outdoor play and practical life skills, to be able to balance with screen time. (We are not an anti-screen time family but we do limit it. I have a very rough running total in my head of TV vs outdoor across a day.)
It's good to see that there is flexibility in Dixie's homeschooling. I'm curious about the "shows" she puts on. Are they puppets, playing an instrument, singing a song she just learned, acting out a poem or fairytale?
Alas, Sue, I mean TV shows or movies! We do have a fair number of other types of "shows" in our house, namely put on by the children :) But when we're sick, watching some deliberately-selected DVD's helps us all get some rest.
LOL! Val and I did that too. However! ... TV shows and movies would often inspire Val to go do something else. One time, we were watching someting having to do with Egypt. After about ten minutes, she ran into her room and came out dressed like An Egyptian princess. it was a hoot. She could only sit still for a show for a short amount of time before she get an idea like that. "deliberately-selected" movies are gifts for the homeschooler. Not only do they give them a rest from the intense brain activity involved in academics, they also give children a visual library of things from history, other cultures, whatever. I think it was Judith Viorst who wrote about reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe to her kids and they had no clue what the Blitz was or what a wardrobe was or a lot of other elements of that story. She had a really difficult time continuing with that book. So, movies and TV shows can be a valuable resource for homeschoolers.
How wonderful! Yes, a good story in a movie can spark the imagination!!
Yes, we actually don't have TV/streaming so we everything is on DVD and is intentional. I don't really see movies as part of the kids' homeschooling but I think their judicious use can add some fun to life, as they can be quite enjoyable! Also, when sick, they are so helpful.
Dixie, what a perfect, honest, and engrossing account of your sick (but yet wonderful) homeschool day. We need more of these accounts to as forewords to books like The Well-Trained Mind, to help us recognize that things may not always go as planned, yet we grow together as a family through all of it in "patience, forebearance, forgiveness, wisdom, kindness, self-sacrifice, security, humor, problem-solving, cretivity, and a stretching expansion of love." What baffles me is that you manage to keep up with editorial work and writing articles alongside. This is where I meet my breaking point, and have thus reduced my writing frequency on my Substack (I find this platform wonderful, but it creates immense pressure, especially when I want to focus on my family, not writing about "focusing on family"). Thanks so much for all your wonderful work! (also curious what essay you have cooking.... :)
Thank you, Ruth. I enjoyed your guest post in this series, as well!
I don't have an answer about the writing and the editing except that it has become this totally unexpected, surprising passion. It's like something grips me, like a tornado, and when I'm set down at the end of it, I'm a bit of a dazed mess but I seem to have a new essay written. I also both read and write really quickly (thanks, grad school!), so that helps make it possible. I spent ten years thinking but *not* writing and *not* talking and so now it's all just bubbling over and out of me.
I had the great pleasure of meeting Haley Baumeister at the FPR conference, and she mentioned that she is not a person who writes or responds to things quickly, but must think things through over time. I noted in conversation with her (we we in a group, speaking together, for several hours) that when she did speak, after being quiet for a bit, she added immensely to the conversation, with comments that no one else had thought to make. I was thinking aloud in conversation, and she was thinking quietly, but then bringing in important interventions. Between the two of us (and a few others, who added their own essential thoughts and styles!), this led to a better conversation than we could have had with only one style of thinker present.
I think your recent, knocking-it-out-of-the-park substack pieces are in this "Haley" vein; their value is great in part due to the process and pacing behind them. You have been putting out intensely valuable pieces lately. As you know, I am a big fan!
Thanks for sharing these additional reflections and for the encouragement. And also, I forgot to say: Hope you feel better soon! :)
P.S. As to the essay, it is my friend's idea at root, so I don't feel I can share without his permission!
I'll be waiting patiently :)
I am honored that you see this in my day!
Sometimes homeschooling is just the process of making yourself "let children alone." I'll have to go poke around your substack, Hannah -- I would love to learn more about your life and your experiences homeschooling and mothering! I hope you get a break from viruses for a while now!